Wake Up. Look Up.

Wake Up. Look Up.

I can distinctly recall, on two occasions, waking up from a deep sleep because someone said my name.

They simply said,

“Kelly.”

It was clear, direct, and compassionately spoken in a manner that didn’t warrant a reply. It wasn’t a question, like “Kelly?” or an exclamation, like “Kelly!”

It was just “Kelly.”… as it would sound mentioned in a simple statement.

Both times I remember waking up immediately, looking around and thinking, Ok, that was weird. Why did I just hear my name? Awesome, I’m hearing voices now.

Even more strange, was that it sounded an awful lot like my Mama's voice who was miles away.

Many years later, while on a quiet, contemplative walk, I randomly recalled those times I distinctly heard my name in my sleep. I started to ponder further how it sounded so much like my own Mother’s voice.

I instantly thought of how hard my Mama prays the Rosary, how “tapped in” she is with Mary, how I know she prays so hard for her loved ones that I can literally feel her prayers for me and see how they are working in my life.

It then became obvious to me what I was hearing, what I needed to hear. …My name, just as it sounded off my mother’s lips every time she prays for me.

I believe it was Mary speaking to me in my earthly Mother’s voice, prompting me to wake up and look up.

So much of my life has been on auto pilot where I am just going through the motions. I was loving God, feeling his presence, attending Mass, and feeling grateful for so many things. All the while primarily consumed with trying to control so much of my life - every aspect of it. I was worrying about everything, constantly being distracted by everything imaginable, frequently overwhelmed and ultimately forgetting who is actually in charge of my life.

Not me.

My waking up and looking up at the sound of my name were the very two things God was calling me to do.

Sister Miriam puts it beautifully in her imaginative prayer sessions about God…“He will always let you know what you need to know when you need to know it.”

I had faith, yes, but I wasn’t living it. I wasn’t truly loving God the way he intended me to.

I needed to wake the hell up and look up!

I needed to look to Him with my whole being.

In all my stress and overwhelm at times, I failed to remember to turn to God, surrender it all, and let Him take care of everything.

He is the only one who can.

Let me repeat that.

He is the only one who can!

I felt like God was telling me, “Kelly, you are trying so hard to do everything in your life right but it is not your doing. It is mine. You have forgotten to turn to me, seek guidance from me, surrender all of your struggles and pain to me. Your pride gets in your way. Come back to me.”

This is the exact moment I realized that every time I was saying, “I got this.”, God was saying, “Uh, no you don’t. I do.”

I encourage anyone reading this to think about if they have ever heard their name spoken in such a way that has them literally wake up and think where on earth did that come from? Who was that?

That voice you heard is someone who loves you - someone you may not even know, someone in heaven, or someone close to you. That voice is someone who sees your pain even when you can’t.

That voice is someone praying for you.

So,

Wake up. Look up.

…Your true, authentic self is waiting for you.

God’s got this.